#rewired some brain chemistry or something

[starrynightsforever]

Let me paint you a picture. It's my first night alone in my brand new apartment, and I'm so fucking excited to be living completely alone for the first time. I accidentally stay up reading until 1 AM as usual because I have no impulse control. I finally turn out the light to go to sleep; it's pitch dark in my room. I immediately get a vision of what the night-vision goggle scene from Silence of the Lambs would look like if Buffalo Bill was standing over my bed in my room. I don't sleep for the rest of the night.

[livvyofthelake]

i know it’s quite literally still only february but none of the movies i’ve watched this year have Movie Of The Year potential it’s pathetic. like i don’t even think any of them could hold a candle to last year’s top ten. frankly.

[ame-to-ame]

.

[ryescapades]

*ੈ‧₊༺ "SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE A DREAM,"

⤷ submission for @pixelcafe-network 's Secret Santa event !

— vice-captain hoshina seems to frequent the infirmary lately... perhaps it has something to do with the division's beloved medic.

characters: hoshina soshiro (kn8) x medic!reader contents: fluff, some injuries and blood, one(1) suggestive line but it’s for the plot, smooching, kind of getting together, slight spoilers for b side manga, inaccurate manga timeline wc ~ 1.8k

a/n: @purpleqilinwrites happy holidays from me, your secret santa ! 🎄 not christmas-themed but i hope you can still enjoy this humble gift i’ve prepared for you (see the end of this for more messages) <3

Remembering and differentiating people’s faces is usually something that comes naturally to people.

Be it your distant, distant relative, or a newly appointed work colleague, or even a fellow customer at a cafe you love. It’s easy enough to memorise each and every one of them, given that you’ve seen them a few times consecutively, of course.

Then again, it comes with the job to have a good memory anyway. Lots of scientific and biological names to be remembered, health conditions and symptoms to be identified, patients you constantly need to keep your eyes on. You have them all etched inside your mind.

There’s also that other circumstance, where forgetting someone’s face is as easy as brushing away a speck of dust from your clothes. People come, and people go. Not everyone that you’ve come across will stay in your life, and not every one of them will become a significant part of it either.

There is one thing, however, that you have stumbled upon, not knowing that it will become both of those things. Or rather, one person.

The first time you saw him was at the hospital right after the kaiju emergence at Ome city back when you were still a measly apprentice to a senior medic from the Third Division. Tasked to do one of his checkups, you’d overheard his conversation with your captain right before she left the ward.

His reaction baffled you, to say the least. Who in the world would reject a position offered by the Captain Ashiro Mina herself? After a thorough yet uneventful inspection on his condition, he was deemed to be discharged from the hospital a few days after, and along with that his presence from your mind.

Or so you thought.

The second time you saw him was a bit more coincidental. Months after that, when you were freshly appointed as one of the Third Division’s operational medics, you had accidentally crossed paths with him on the way to Captain Ashiro’s office, unaware that you were in the face of your soon-to-be Vice-Captain.

You didn’t know how, or why, but for some astronomical reason you’d remembered who he was. There were lots of people you’d bumped into in the past, people you’d medically treated, and people with even worse haircut (in your defense, that was only a mere observation on your part); you had no trouble putting them to the rear end of your mind as you knew they were nothing more than encounters by chance.

Aside from the fact that he’d rejected your captain’s offer, you’d wondered if there was something else about him from that first time that had rewired the very foundation of your brain chemistry to make you remember him as clearly and easily as memorizing the back of your own hand, even when you’d only seen him once before in your entire lifetime.

Unbeknownst to you, Hoshina Soshiro thought the same thing about you.

What is it about you, Hoshina had once mused. What made you so… unforgettable? Your presence had been lingering in the back of his mind from the moment you first laid your hand on him. After you’d left his ward months ago, the image of you has been foggy and indistinctive, almost haunting for him to deal with. And now that he had you in front of his eyes again, he was more than determined to know more about you.

The two of you hit it off then. One friendly conversation turned two, turned weekly, turned daily. Lingering touches, longing gazes, secret smiles, flirty quips. And the most unambiguous of all; the time spent together in the medic bay at any hour of the day.

It’s becoming a routine at this point for the Third Division members to see their second-in-command walking through the doorway of the infirmary with an injury or the other, some of them severe and some were barely considered a prick. The officers have suspected something, of course. But none of them are bold enough (yet) to confront nor pull the topic out in the open.

And so do you and Hoshina himself.

Though you’re totally aware it’s only a matter of time before one of you finally breaches the blurring line between platonic and romantic. Ironically enough, Hoshina with all his foxy eyed glory, seems to be the one to (not so) blindly step over the said line, all too keen on wiping it off like a silly drawing on a sandy shore.

“Hey there. Ya seem happy to see me,”

You grit your teeth at the cheery greeting, irritation piling over the concern and worry, overstacked by the fear wrecking through your body. Taking a deep breath to gather yourself, you step to the side to let the officers carry the battered body of the Vice-Captain to sit on a nearby bed. Soon enough, they walk themselves out with a respective nod to their superiors, leaving you in the still silence of the infirmary.

In your peripheral, Captain Ashiro stands beside the door with her arms crossed, a calculated look stuck on her youthful face before she straightens up, calling out to your name. “I’m leaving them in your care. I’ll be back in a few though,” Confused, you’re about to ask about what she meant when a mass of white fur enters your vision.

Bakko is staying here for a while then, you realize just as the Captain, too, makes her exit to the door. You let the feline kaiju make himself at home in the infirmary as you return to the task at hand; treating Hoshina.

Your next course of action proceeds swiftly and methodically; assembling the medical supplies and equipment, assessing the injuries, disinfecting the wounds and dressing them accordingly. All the while trying not to squirm under his obnoxious gaze.

“You were never this quiet before,” Hoshina breaks the silence, grimacing slightly as you’re currently treating one of his more severe wounds, one that requires stitching.

Your forehead creases slightly, “What do you want me to say?” You question, both in exasperation and incredulity. The swordsman lifts his good shoulder in a little shrug. “I dunno. Anythin’,”

“You’re stupid,”

Hoshina’s lips twitch slightly, “Mhm,”

“And reckless,”

A small smile tugs on his face next, “Yeah?” Slowly, and breathily.

“And - and… you weren’t being careful enough,” Your bloody hand shakes, the scissors you’re holding barely cutting away the remaining thread after you’d successfully managed to stitch his wound up. “Okonogi already said it was a daikaiju and you still insisted on fighting it alone. Who the hell does that?” You seethe.

One of his hands moves to hold yours, halting you just as you'd turned back from putting your equipment away. “You mad at me, sweetheart?” His nonchalant drawl causes you to snap. “I thought you were going to die, Soshiro. Of course I was mad!”

Suddenly there’s a quiet growl rumbling from the corner of the room, and the both of you immediately go silent. You look to the side to see Bakko with his mouth pulled into a menacing snarl, eyeing the other slumbering patients as if to remind you that you’re not the only ones in the room.

You huff, slightly embarrassed at being chastised in your own work space. By a kaiju, of all things.

Hoshina gruffly snickers before glancing at the feline, “He’s not Captain Ashiro’s companion for nothin’, huh? Think he can help around in the infirmary?” He jests.

You chuckle weakly, nodding a little at his injuries. “What, do you want him to lick it all better?”

It was supposed to be a joke, a casual inquiry made to lighten the mood, but Hoshina seems to think otherwise. With his bleary eyes, he murmurs, “I want you to lick it all better,”

Your breath stutters, the heart in your chest skipping a beat or two. Or maybe three? You can’t really seem to figure it out when all you know is that the blood pumping in your veins feels like you’re running a goddamn marathon around the division base.

Your body heats up at the way Hoshina’s gaze remains focused on you, those irises seeping with such intensity and passion, finely rich like wine and sangria. There’s a pull so magnetic, the minimal space where you’re starting to share breaths with him is charged with the tension between the two of you.

Your eyes drift down to his mouth for one quick second. A mere glance, shy and timid. And the next thing you know, you and Hoshina become a clashing of lips, wandering hands and blissful sighs.

Like a collision between two worlds; the connection feels intensely mind-blowing, like a surge of adrenaline that has you forgetting about everything else aside from feeling him, tasting him, consuming him. Your fingertips tingle from where you’re cradling his face in your hands, and electric zaps up your spine from where his hands are gripping you by your hips.

Your lips slide against his in a feverish dance, his tongue diving in to explore each and every crevice of your mouth. Another pleased sigh escapes from you when he nips at your bottom lip, soothing the skin with a gentle suck right after. Hoshina hums against your mouth, pulling you to stand even closer between his legs but a pained groan from him then makes you draw back, the desire to continue ravishing each other now replaced with a budding sense of concern.

“You’re pulling on the stitches,” you mutter, fingers lightly prodding at his medically patched skin. Hoshina shakes his head slightly and drops it to rest on your shoulder as he grunts under his breath, “You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.”

You falter, a furious blush creeping up to your cheeks at his statement. ‘Why didn’t you do it sooner, then?’ You’d wanted to ask but just as he raises his head, you catch sight of the bloody handprints on both of his cheeks. You gasp in surprise, “Soshiro, you’re—”

You reach up to hold his face, though when you see your own hands stained with the blood from his wounds, a small laugh of realisation comes out of you. Hoshina snorts a little when he deduces the same thing, the room now filled with your combined giggles.

“All the more reason to stay here longer and get myself cleaned up, hm?” He smirks and leans back with his arms perched on the bed. You gnaw at the bottom of your lip, staring not-so-subtly at his slacked figure.

More work for you to do… not like you’re complaining anyway because he does not have any business looking so sinfully good with all those muscles and bare skin all roughed up and bloodied like that.

You inwardly shake your head to disperse the thought. Throwing him an eye roll, you scold him for moving around too much in case his injuries get worse, and that he should know better than to stay out of commission for longer than necessary considering his importance in the division.

Deep down, though, you’re glad that Hoshina Soshiro is there with you in more ways than one, holding your hand as you trudge through this new relationship blossoming between you two.

He stays, and he is significant. Forever will be in your lovesick little heart.

taglist open!

bakko is just there like 👁️👄👁️

💌 ; kaija my dear i’m so happy that i get to know you through the cafe network <3 really enjoyed all the convos we’ve had in the kn8 channel and i appreciate u sm !! you’re so sweet and so delightful to talk to and i thought that you are just the perfect person to be soshiro’s favorite doctor / nurse ^^ you seem like the type who'd be good at taking care of people, especially your loved ones. bet he goes to the infirmary a lot just to see u hehe (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) anyway, i hope 2024 has been nice to you. i wish you all the good things in the world, and that 2025 will be a better and sweeter year for you, love 💜

©🅁🅈🄴🅂🄲🄰🄿🄰🄳🄴🅂. do not steal, translate or repost my work anywhere else !

[roboticchibitan]

Tell me a quote that rewired your brain chemistry. Doesn't have to be like, some old dead guy's words. Can be something your dad or a tumblr mutual or whatever said.

One of mine is the Shantideva (8th century Buddhist sage) quote I have embroidered twice now, "if there is a remedy, what is the use of frustration. If there us not a remedy, then what is the use of frustration?" I use this quote to tell my anxiety spirals to shut the fuck up and it takes effort on my part but it helps me recognize "this is a waste of my energy" and then I can usually let the thought go.

Another is a quote from a podcast I've never listened to (that I forget the name of) that @therogueduchess posted (thank you for that btw) that says "it is noble to know that no one is beneath you." This one helped me process something in therapy that lead to growth in my capacity for compassion, which I truly treasure.

Please I am SO curious. What's one (or more, if you want to share) of yours?

[saintvainglorious]

My First Fanbind! A Black Sails Fic Anthology Series

It took me a year (and a lot of anxious research) before I worked up the courage to bookbind fanfiction, and after months of on-again-off-again work, my first fanbind is finally done!

I knew that if I was going to bookbind fic, I had to bind something from the Black Sails fandom, aka the fandom and show that have had the biggest impact on my life. Y'all, I almost went into academia to study slavery in the 17th-18th century Caribbean because of this show - when folks say this show rewires your brain chemistry, they are NOT kidding. THEE show of all time. Happy 10th anniversary to Black Sails! This fandom is small but mighty. May we continue to get our hearts and souls blasted to smithereens by this show for many years to come.

Ao3 abounds with magnificent Black Sails oneshots, so I decided to put together an anthology of my favorite Silverflint fics under 20k, which I split into two volumes. Included are works by @justlikeeddie, @vowel-in-thug, @balloonstand, @annevbonny, @francisthegreat, @nysscientia, and more! Thank you, thank you all, you brilliant wonderful people, for gracing the Internet with such amazing writing. When I read the fics in these anthologies I want to fling myself into the sun.

More on the design and binding process below the cut!

Vol. 1 Page Count: 270 (12 fics) Vol. 2 Page Count: 248 (11 fics) Body Font: Sabon Next LT (10.5 pt) Title Font: Goudy Old Style Other Fonts: IM Fell English, pirates pw

The typeset (which I did in Word) took a while, mainly because I'd never done it before. Manually adjusting the hyphenation line-by-line was especially tedious. After making these books, I abandoned Word in favor of InDesign, in large part because InDesign gives you way finer control over your justification and hyphenation settings.

Regarding my actual design choices, I'm happy with how the ocean motif on the title page turned out (it's not the same pattern as my endpapers, but they're complimentary) and I'm very fond of my divider dingbats, which are little swords! Goudy Old Style was a fun title font to use, since it's the font that Black Sails uses as its logo. The stories in Vol. 1 are divided into parts based on what Silver WAS at that point in the show (cook, quartermaster, or king), and Vol. 2 is split up into comedies, histories (AUs set in the canon universe) and tragedies - befitting Black Sails' Shakespearean ~vibes~.

I stuck to a flatback binding, as I wasn't feeling quite ambitious enough to try rounding and/or backing. I've learned that I ~Anakin Skywalker voice~ hate sanding, enjoy folding/sewing, and don't LIKE edge trimming but enjoy the results enough to make it worth it.

The real adventure was decorating the cover, which remained bare for months. After agonizing over Illustrator and experimenting unsuccessfully with HTV and lokta paper embossing, I ultimately turned to using stencil vinyl to paint on the designs. There was a bit of seepage under some of the stencils, but I was able to scrape off the excess with my Cricut weeding tool without damaging the coated surface of the bookcloth (probably Arrestox Blue Ribbon from Hollander's). Even though it was very time-consuming, I'm so happy with the end result of the stenciled paint job and I intend to stick with stencils for my foreseeable future binds.

Are there things I would change? Sure. It was humid out when I printed, so the pages have got a wave. There’s an extra two pages in Vol 2. that I have no idea how I missed, and I got a line of glue in the middle of one of my Vol. 2 endpapers. I’m pretty sure I didn’t case in quite right, since my endpapers pull away from the case at the spine. I think the inner margins are a bit too big, and despite going line-by-line there’s still some wacky justification spacing in the typeset. But man, am I proud of these books! It is so satisfying to learn a new skill - MANY new skills, if we’re being honest - and to make something both beautiful and practical. If I’m still binding in two years or so, I can see myself redoing the typeset in InDesign, cutting out the existing text block, and reusing the cases. I’m also already planning for Vol. 3, which will be Silverflint Modern AUs.

Thanks for reading!

[mellosdrawings]

Twisted boys worst to best, GO!!

I'll make it my fav to my meh if thats fine with you. I fear I would spend hours on a detailed analysis for what I consider to be perfect chara design and motivations otherwise.

-Azul (perfect, 12/10, makes my autism go brr, I still need to do that full analysis for him because I love him too much and have too many thoughts, must pull)

-Jamil (perfect, 11/10, someone please give this man freedom and his weight in cookies, must pull)

-Cater (perfect, 10/10, flashy guy with completely dead eyes, reminds me of Childe, pull if possible)

-Rook (perfect, 10/10, makes my autism go brr, perfect world view ideology, rewired my brain chemistry, pull if possible)

-Idia (perfect, 10/10, peak brother, family angst makes my heart go brr, insufferable asshole, pull if possible)

-Jade (9/10, creepy, would go mushroom hunting with him so we could see who's the most autistic about fungi, sometimes pull)

-Vil (9/10, perfection, made me fall in love instantly during his chapter despite me expecting to dislike him, fawn whenever I see him, pull if possible)

-Leona (8/10, absolute asshole, insufferable dick, wish his flashback was done better so we could see how horrendous it could have truly been, plan on rewriting something someday about that, should be on the pull if possible list but I have no self control for this fucker so I always pull for him)

-Riddle (7/10, made me fall in love with the game, used to kin him in all the wrong ways lol, would've overblotted too in his place, no pull)

-Ruggie (7/10, freaky evil little guy syndrome, has the funniest synergy with Leona, love him, would pull for him if I was rich)

-Kalim (10/10, best character ever and people underestimate him and his potential too much, would smother him in kisses, despite being perfect he is still low on the list coz I'm a mess, sometimes pull)

-Floyd (7/10, creepy asshole, love his mood swings and how everybody just works around it, perfect trio with the two others, sometimes pull)

-Deuce (6/10, lovely little mama boy, doing his best, I want to cheer for him, no pull)

-Trey (6/10, perfect house husband, love how hard he tries to be normal even though he's just as much a freak as everybody else, no pull though was tempted once)

-Sebek (5/10, I see potential but I'm not yet familiar with him, golden retriever vibe, would give him a smooch, no pull though I was tempted once)

-Silver (5/10, not familiar with him yet but he has very interesting themes, no pull)

-Epel (5/10, little dick, needs to learn to move past his misogyny and I love that theme for him, but keeps being done dirty by the story who refuses to have him learn the lesson, no pull)

-Lilia (4/10, should be one of my fav coz I absolutely love the "retired war god who settled down to become a father" trope, but I just can't get the spark with him for some reason..., no pull though I was tempted once)

-Ortho (5/10, best baby bro, has a lot of potential, but rarely ever used properly, no pull)

-Jack (4/10, best tsundere boy but kinda boring in my opinion, no pull)

-Ace (5/10, very good character but I would've blocked him so hard coz I can't stand that kind of behavior lol, no pull)

-Malleus (3/10, just like Lilia his trope is usually one I love but I seriously can't care about him no matter how hard I try, no pull)

Others:

-Crowley (10/10, peak character, would punch him in the face if he was real, must pull)

-Sam (9/10, very interesting, would love to see his card or have him more often on screen, would pull)

-Crewel (9/10, dom daddy, gives a mix of Vil and Leona vibe lol, must pull)

-Trein (9/10, father and widower, cat dad, would make him tea and scones, must pull)

-Vargas (3/10, surprisingly one dimensional when the game is so good at fully fleshing its characters, waiting to see more)

-Rollo (9/10, absolute asshole, desperately needs a hug and therapy, should also probably go in prison lol, very interesting fodder for Idia, would have pulled if I had any extra gems)

-Fellow and Gidel (10/10, brothers, assholes, completely out if it and loving them for it, still need to read their stories but I already love them, must pull)

-Skully/Skelly (10/10, looks like the weirdest little shit, super cringe, already loving him but still need to see, must pull)

[gffa]

True enlightenment as a fan of a franchise full of ridiculous bullshit was reaching the point where I was tired of hating on the thing I'm supposedly meant to like and instead go, you know what, I've been into this thing for 20+ years, maybe I could just like stuff? Maybe I could even just like some of the dumber bullshit, laugh about it, and have a good time with it and maybe that will actually give me a stronger dopamine boost than hating something??? Real Nirvana: Rewiring my brain chemistry so I don't have to be mad about Star Wars or comic books, one "this is so ridiculous, I'm going to laugh about it" step at a time.

[ddlcbrainrot]

i loveee all your thoughts abt the girls !! do u have any moniyuri hcs they like rewired my brain chemistry

HSJDJD SAME i did not get this ship at all until one day light bulbs suddenly lit up in my brain and ive never been the same since. I gotta say there is not enough content of them, except of a few one-shots here and there

So, Monika and Yuri have always been a very interesting duo imo because they are weirdly similar despite being polar opposites tropes on paper (popular girl / loner girl ). I mean, all the girls have something in common with one another but in different ways. I think both of them are really socially awkward, Yuri of course more so, with the main difference being the way they handle it. Yuri’s way of dealing with her lack of social skills is closing up, not really putting herself out there because if she does she will probably make a fool of herself, while Monika takes a more “fake it till you make it” approach (which actually works quite well considering she is the most popular girl in school and everything). Anyway, this has somehow turned into me just talking about Yuri and Monika let me backpedal to the headcanons lmao

I already mentioned their tropes, but yeah popular girl x loner girl goes HARD

We know from act 3 that Monika loves to just sit back and talk about whatever random thoughts pop in her head and Yuri loves to listen to her ramble. Sometimes Yuri gets excited about something (her books, her DND campaign, you name it) and she starts rambling to Monika. They just love talking to each other endlessly about nothing and everything

Monika is straight up obsessed with Yuri. Like, she cannot go five minutes without mentioning her if she’s having a conversation with someone else. And when Yuri is in the room? Good luck getting her attention, she’s too busy making googly eyes at her

I’d like to think the way they would get together would be the most normal one out of all the pairings, since both of them are the more outwardly mature ones of the club, but I also think they are not as mature as they would like to make you think (especially in a regard like this one). The confession would either be very organic or very awkward I really don’t know

In my natsuri headcanons I said Yuri is the little spoon, but that was with natsuki. Monika is the littlest spoon that has ever littled spooned in the history of little spooning. I will not be taking notes on this.

Both are extremely touch deprived btw, but both of them are also awkward enough to not know how to ask for cuddles, hugs, ect. Monika probably breaks out of this first tho, meaning she is the one that mostly initiates outside of a few exceptions

Yuri is always taken aback by how affectionate Monika is (mostly verbally, but also physically sometimes). She definitely doesn’t feel as comfortable being that affectionate constantly herself (especially in public) but that’s because her way of showing affection is in smaller acts that speak a lot, which Monika finds extremely sweet

I’ve seen some people headcanon that Yuri listens to classical music, so maybe Monika plays her piano sonnets from time to time

also i think they borrow each others clothes

Bonus :

Monika : “Would you still love me if I was a worm? :(“

Yuri : “Yeah, of course.” *…Why would she be a worm???*

[trainsinanime]

Your favorite fanfic writer doesn't know (but would like to)

Let's talk about comments on fanfics. This is not meant as a guide or call to action, just a bit of observations. Personally, I always saw it as impolite to ask for reviews or kudos or comments or likes or reblogs or whatever. That's not a rational point of view, it just reflects how I am. And people actually telling others that they have to leave any of this feedback? I've blocked folks over that. In my mind that's not okay. I'm not announcing a change of that, this is not a policy, just some deep-seated mental issues, but I want to write down some more things that have been going through my mind, from the perspective of someone who occasionally writes fanfics. My previous suggestion in this regard was mostly to write some fanfic yourself and see what happens and what you'd like to happen, because it's genuinely fun and I think you probably have more to say than you realise.

But there's also another point here, and that is that your favourite fanfic writer has no idea that they are. If you're anything like me, then it will seem like the great writers in your fandom are obvious. Also, the last time you bought Blåhajs, it ended with you having to flee a smoke-filled subway tunnel. The great stories and great writers in your universe are facts of nature. You read a story and you think, "this is the greatest thing I've ever seen." A story rewires your brain chemistry forever. You keep coming back and reading that one fic whenever the mood hits you. It feels obvious that this story is great. How could it not be?

It feels trite to say that the author of that fic doesn't know that unless you tell them, but it's hard to really understand the feeling unless you've been there yourself. You write a story, but is it any good? Maybe you get a lot of kudos, or maybe very little, but what does either of that mean? Kudos can mean literally anything from "loved this" to "didn't close the tab in disgust". Maybe you just got unlucky. Maybe you just got lucky. What do these numbers mean? What is a good number of kudos? 1? 10? 100? 1000? Should I calculate ratios? How do I know whether people like this?

In light of this, a comment where someone just said, "I loved this", has an almost incalculable worth. A comment where someone says they read this over and over again, or quotes lines they loved, or something? You can't imagine how valuable that is. A while ago someone told me "a couple of us are talking about this on Discord, we love it and we keep repeating our favorite lines". I thanked them, but I was too polite to say, "really? What are they saying? Which are your favorite lines? How many people are there who love it? What are their names? Which lines are the favorite ones, please, tell me!". Part of me still regrets that, because I so desperately want to know! I don't think it was a public Discord and I never heard from the others on it, but just the idea that they're out there and they like my story was so powerful. (By the way, it's not on any account that's linked from here, please don't try to find that comment.)

Now, I firmly believe that you, as a reader, don't have to care about any of that. I know there are people who disagree with me on this point, very strongly in fact, but I don't think it's necessarily your job to care. It's great if you do, and I think a lot of you do in fact care, that's why I'm writing this. But if you haven't thought about that or don't feel comfortable leaving comments or whatever, that's fine, that's normal, and you are in fact part of the majority. Any well-adjusted fic author has found ways to deal with this. They have learned to love writing for its own sake, or they love re-reading their own fics, or they have a couple of trusted friends who like their work, or ideally all three. Personally I was scared of Discord for the longest time, but it really helps with that. One person who you sort of know going "hey that's neat" can outweigh just about anything else. (Still, there will be days when you post something and you won't get a response and that just plain sucks, no two ways about it.)

But if you do care, if you think it's important that a fanfic writer knows what they mean to you, not because of any concern about the wider unpaid fan creator economy but just because of the way their work affected you, then this is important. Your favorite fanfic writer probably doesn't know and/or believe that they're anyone's favorite, and even if they do, a reminder or learning that someone knew found them will make them incredibly happy. And obviously, all of that applies at least just as much to all the beginners with potential that are out there. So if you're wondering whether it's worth it leaving a comment that says how much you enjoyed something: It probably is. And if you shared this with others and they loved it, or if this is your favourite fic, or if you enjoy how original it is, or how well it does your favourite tropes, or anything like that, the writer is going to be so happy to hear that.

A final aside: This obviously applies even more when it's about fandoms, pairings, subject matter and in particular ratings that are considered a bit embarrassing. Writers who write stuff that, say, happens to be E-rated for whatever reason, doesn't matter, will probably get fewer kudos and comments just because people are embarrassed to have their names show up in the Kudos and Comment sections. If that's you, just a note that it is perfectly okay to comment anonymously, or to create a second separate account for leaving kudos on, commenting on and maybe even posting the somewhat more risqué stuff. Now I'm not saying I have one of these second accounts, at least I'm not saying that in public, but it is an option worth considering.

[rookinthecrownest]

Discussion about romances + expectations under the cut (I'd put it as like..mildly critical, but also coming from a place of understanding?). As usual, will tag as such so you don't have to engage/read on if you don't wish to. I always invite open discussion, just keep it respectful (as I will endeavour to do so myself).

This is going to be a bit of a ramble, so I apologize if my thoughts are not clearly laid out like they should be.

I think I've found the reason why I (and maybe others), feel that the romances in Veilguard feel a bit... idk, hollow, at times (not BAD!!! just feeling like there could be MORE). And that's because of the trap of expectations. I may also be speaking completely for myself here.

Anyway, let's rewind to 2014.

Be me, 10 years ago. You're not really a gamer, but indulge in action RPG's casually.

See a commercial for this hot new game coming out called Dragon Age: Inquisition. Be intrigued by the character designs, but know nothing about the world. Come to find out it's part of a trilogy. So naturally, you buy the first two games and play through them before playing the third.

Be amazed, and completely hooked on the characters, the lore, the world, the darker elements and themes. It becomes your favourite game series of all time.

But you had no idea that you could romance any of the companions going into the experience. And man, does it fundamentally rewire your brain chemistry to fall in love with cRPG and get ridiculously attached to your Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor.

So, you romance Alistair first because he's funny as hell, and has a really interesting story/character arc. Then you romance Zevran, and love that too - he's charming and suave and awkward and funny. Then you go onto DA2 and romance Fenris and Anders, and each of those romances pack their own emotional gut punches. Then it's finally time for DAI, and predictably, you go for Solas (a veritable slow burn that spans TWO games), Cullen, and partially (I never finished those playthroughs lol) Blackwall and Dorian.

I had no idea you could romance companions going into these games. It was a pleasant surprise! It always felt like an important part of the story, while not overshadowing the main plot. There was enough material in the codexes, the cutscenes, and party banter to make each romance feel complete and whole and awesome and nuanced.

And then, like some of you I suspect, I read an article that touted Veilguard as "The Most Romantic Bioware Game Yet", and I thought - "Wow, if they're saying this then the romances must be something else", given the quality of the previous romances you've experienced in these games!

But you get to the game - and while you're having fun, it definitely leans more into the ARPG style where romances feel a bit more pushed to the side in order to tell a certain story than the traditional Bioware/Larian RPG experience you've come to love.

Which is fine! Again, once I stopped thinking of Veilguard as a classic Bioware CRPG, and more like GOW/The Witcher, I found I was able to appreciate it a lot more for what it is. Things have to Happen A Certain Way for the narrative to work, and that's not a bad thing. DA2 was similar - it was a harrowing, personal tragedy about the Hawke family and their struggle to survive in Kirkwall.

Just like DA2, there are aspects of Veilguard that make me glad things happened the way they did. I'm not mad that Rook has so much dialogue without a ton of player input and you can't 'be evil' - because the game doesn't make sense if you can. At its core, Veilguard's narrative is centered around Regret, after all - you can't have an evil protagonist running around because Solas' Regret prison would never work (evil people don't generally tend to regret their actions...)!

Now, if you're expecting a long-winded, fully researched academic breakdown of every romance I'm sorry but that ain't happening tonight lol. This is not based in any fact, this is all opinion.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but sometimes it feels like the romances in this game (and I say this with the biggest grain of salt as I've only done Emmrich and Lucanis' - and am going through Neve's now), are just missing....something, to take them from good to great.

I loved Emmrich's romance. I thought it was very well done. I think a lot of people would agree it's one of the stronger ones in the game - doubly so if you play as a Mourn Watch Rook (you get a TON of MW specific lines going this route, it's great). His side romance with Strife if you don't get together is very cute, I enjoyed it. But as superbly well done as it was, somehow, I wouldn't even put it in my top 4 Bioware romances.

With Lucanis' romance - whatever my hangups may be about how it was handled, certain parts of his romance were done excellently (even better than some of the previous Bioware romances, I'd say). You can read more about my thoughts on his romance here which is why I'm not going into detail about it. Unlike Emmrich's, I would put it in my top 4 because I fell in love with the character that much (both in the game but really, I've loved him since Tevinter Nights), and I've grown very attached to my first Rook and him as a pairing. I've seen others share a similar sentiment on here (and I hate to say it but I agree) - sometimes it feels like I fell in love with Rookanis despite the way it was handled, not because of it. I can't say that for many other romances. While it's been fun to think up a lot of HC/write fics/make art about those abandoned concept sketches and parts where I felt the game could have showed us more of their dynamic, I can't help but feel like his (and other) romances would have immensely benefited from even 1 or 2 extra small scenes to flesh it out a bit more if they weren't going to let us freely talk to our companions.

The issue with the romances might also have something to do with the pacing of the game itself. I think Act 2 is where the pacing goes a bit awry, before picking back up in Act 3 (which is great, I love it).

Sometimes I also felt that there was a little too much reliance on codex entries and party banter to tell the story of the romance rather than showing it explicitly through cutscenes. I think that's what makes the romances feel a bit truncated at times, compared to the previous entries? Some of the romance-specific party banter was so good, it probably deserved its own cutscene. But it's also highly dependent on the party you have, and it's easy to miss/not trigger. I remember absolutely living for the cutscenes in the first three entries and I can't explain why I feel like, subjectively speaking, Veilguard just has less romance content (this may not be objective reality - I haven't compared the amount of romance specific content head to head with other games).

I also couldn't tell you why I feel DA2 doesn't suffer the same problems as DATV in terms of romance interaction - because you can't freely talk to your companions in that game either. Yet somehow, it always felt like I was getting enough of them to not notice that. I do miss being able to chat my LI's ear off and ask them questions about their life/their views/etc. like I could in DAO and DAI. I think it's a shame we can't because the companions in DATV are SO interesting. I want to ask them all a billion questions about their lives/stories/etc even if they're not my love interest. The party banter in this game is immaculate but being able to talk to them individually about this stuff would've been SO nice. I feel that I've missed out on SO MUCH of these characters just because I didn't have two of them in my party at the same time!

Anyway, I need to wrap this up.

In closing, perhaps, if I hadn't read that article about how it was going to be Bioware's most romantic game ... maybe I wouldn't feel this way? I think it sent my expectations through the stratosphere, and that's no one's fault but my own. Not Bioware, not EA, mine.

I know that this game's development cycle was a unique sort of hell that the other games didn't suffer. To go from Joplin -> Morrison -> Veilguard. To have so many of the original staff leave the team when Joplin got scrapped. To have to pivot from Live Service and then back to single person RPG. More lay-offs. It's a miracle this game got made. I'm happy I can sit around thinking about it. And I hope its successful enough that we get DA5 so we can all sit around dissecting that in 5-10 yrs time.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy the Veilguard romances for what they are. I'm enjoying them more I play and discover additional banter/codex/etc that I missed the first time around. Like any Bioware romance, there are spots where they hit their stride, and spots where they falter a bit. When they hit their stride they knock it out of the fucking park. But when they falter, you can really feel it. Romance is hard to write! And you'll never fully please everyone.

But a small part of me wishes I'd gone in blind, and checked my own expectations a bit.

Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. Tell me about it. What was your experience with the romances? Did you also read that article and get your expectations up?

I hope this makes sense.

Kind regards good fandom folks,

Keep the discussion respectful. And please don't use this post as an excuse to just blatantly hate on the game.

-Rookie

[phantomrose96]

Wow okay I know I am more than a few years late but I just wanted to say your ABOT fan fiction has altered my brain chemistry. Like, I feel your fic has given me a new outlook on fiction as a whole. I’ve always loved reading and consuming media but I don’t think I ever once read something that played with my emotions so well. Beautifully written and full of soul, thanks for putting this out there cause I don’t think I’ve ever been this invested over a fan fiction, ever. I hope you have a lovely day and I look forward to reading some of your other work!

@hose-water Ahhhh!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you!!!!

It's always my hope to write something that'll resonate with at least some people. It's really extra special to hear it's reached, like, the superlative of that for you.

I love finding media that rewires my brain... I'm glad ABoT does that for you. A massive honor. Especially because ABoT rewires MY brain but of course, it's my own thing, I get to custom-make it to do that. It's really a treat to me honestly to get other people on board who want this and will care about it like I do. Thank you!! 🥺

[vaperarmand]

you uhhh... wanna rec some more zamasian fics? absolutely floored by the one that just updated, this is something i didn't know i needed and now that i have it, i desperately need more

absolutely i do >:)

my body is to taste like you testing your fate by sweettartheart

It's all scenes. We have no form without the viewer. We have no cause but to fill this place with wonder. (Or: Eric demands a new scriptwriter.)

i've recced this one a lot AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN❗️it's everything to me and it's complete at last. it's so hot and funny and unique and beyond being an insane rpf text it's also, like, just really clever. people who can write like this i bow at their feet. the creativity is insane.

oh, my clumsy voice by englishsummerrain

“Well,” Eric says. He taps a finger against the corner of Assad’s mouth, smiling. “What would Armand do?”

real ones will remember the night that my life was changed forever when i was like haha what if i went into the ship tag for these guys on ao3. and i read this. and it literally rewired my brain chemistry. literally haven't moved on from it as you all know. zamasian rpf history starts and ends with this work.

wishful thinking by englishsummerrain

It’s not even like it would be incriminating if Assad was caught — he’s an amateur director, he’s just doing his job.

i mean read everything kels has ever written like ever but i also am a huge fan of this one. hey girls did you know that uhmmmm i love a narrative within a narrative. assad writes dm threesome smut and it's so good

1991 by duri

Assad finds himself in NYC, 1991 and there's only one thing on his mind.

first and foremost i am a fan of assad wanting to fuck that old man. second and foremost i am a fan of assad being kind of freaky obsessed with that man which is really what's allowed to shine here. also i get the desire to time travel to intentionally forge a creative partnership between these guys who should have been the. idk who to name drop here. of the experimental theater world. plus it's now a series with dramaaaaaaa

cutting teeth by cannibalenthusiast

Assad hates the feeling of prop fangs in his mouth. Eric helps, until he doesn't.

sorry for reccing one of my own fics but i was wearing fake fangs at a party last night and i was thinking about this the whole time. now i know how assad felt

next i would recommend just plowing through all 59 works and feeling crazy but free. and then writing more so we can someday reach the triple digits 💪

[gallifreyinstituteforlearning]

can we put the doctor on antidepressants. would that be ok for them....... god knows they need it

Can Gallifreyans take human antidepressants?

Gallifreyans have brains that are way more sophisticated than humans. They've got all the usual brainy bits—like a cerebrum, cerebellum, and brain stems—but with some extra bells and whistles that make them, well, alien. So here's why popping a Prozac might not be so straightforward.

🧠 Gallifreyan Brains

Gallifreyan brains are wired differently. They have an extra lobe specifically for time, a super-charged cerebellum for balance and coordination, and a cluster of nerves that lets them literally rewire their brain pathways. They even have a pineal gland that's beefed up to handle psionic abilities like telepathy. In short, their brains are very complex, which means they process things—including drugs—differently.

💊 The Problems with Human Antidepressants

Metabolism Might Be Too Fast: Gallifreyans have a super-efficient digestive and metabolic system, meaning they break down substances really quickly. A standard dose of antidepressants might just get chewed up and spit out by their system before it can do anything.

Neurotransmitter Differences: Antidepressants work by balancing neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. Although Gallifreyan brains probably have these two, they might not rely on these chemicals in the same way, or they might have additional ones we don't even know about. Plus, their ability to control their brain's activity means they might override or negate the effects of the meds.

Psionic Side Effects: Gallifreyans use alpha waves for telepathy, and those same brainwaves are linked to mood regulation, which is what antidepressants can influence. Messing with these could throw their telepathic abilities out of whack, leading to issues like loss of telepathic control or psionic overloads.

Regeneration Risks: And then there's regeneration. Since regenerating involves a complete overhaul of their body and brain, anything that messes with their neurochemistry could potentially interfere with this process, and that's not something you want to gamble with.

📝 Types of Antidepressants and Gallifreyan Considerations

There are different classes of antidepressants, and each works a bit differently in humans. These differences could lead to varied effects on Gallifreyans:

SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors): These increase serotonin levels by blocking its reabsorption in the brain. For Gallifreyans, the effects could be dampened by their advanced neural controls, and the increase in serotonin might disrupt their natural balance of neurotransmitters.

SNRIs (Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors): These work on both serotonin and norepinephrine. Given the potential extra neurotransmitters in a Gallifreyan brain, SNRIs could have unpredictable effects, possibly overloading the system or causing extreme mood swings.

MAOIs (Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors): These prevent the breakdown of neurotransmitters. However, with the Gallifreyan ability to reroute neural pathways and regulate brain chemistry, MAOIs might interact unpredictably, potentially leading to a dangerous buildup of neurochemicals.

Tricyclics: These affect several neurotransmitters at once. For a Gallifreyan, the broad action of tricyclics could be too blunt an instrument, leading to severe side effects like disrupted time perception, cognitive confusion, or even interfering with the autonomic brain's control over vital functions.

⚠️ Potential Side Effects of Antidepressant Use in Gallifreyans

Considering their complex biology, Gallifreyans could experience a range of side effects from human antidepressants, including:

Telepathic Disruption: Loss of telepathic control or interference with psionic abilities.

Cognitive Overload: Overstimulation of neural pathways leading to headaches, confusion, or even temporary cognitive impairment.

Emotional Dysregulation: Extreme mood swings due to interference with their natural emotional balance.

Impaired Regeneration: Disruption of the regeneration process, leading to incomplete or faulty regeneration.

Metabolic Reactions: Ineffective metabolism of the drug leading to either no effect or toxic buildup.

🏫 So …

In theory, Gallifreyans could take human antidepressants, but they'd probably need something much stronger, specifically tailored to their biology. Standard human meds might not work as intended—or at all—and could even cause some pretty weird side effects that can't be predicted. Given their advanced neural controls, complex neurotransmitter systems, and unique regenerative abilities, Gallifreyan antidepressant therapy would need to be a highly specialised field all on its own. We await the arrival of the Universe's first Gallifreyan Pharmacologist.

Related:

💬|🥗💊How do recreational drugs affect Gallifreyans?: The effect of human drugs on Gallifreyans, and some of their own.

🤔|🥗😆Why is my Gallifreyan a little bit giggly today?

💬|🧑‍🤝‍🧑😔How do you help a lonely Time Lord?: Brief guide to helping your lonely Time Lord

Hope that helped! 😃

Any purple text is educated guesswork or theoretical. More content ... →📫Got a question? | 📚Complete list of Q+A and factoids →😆Jokes |🩻Biology |🗨️Language |🕰️Throwbacks |🤓Facts →🫀Gallifreyan Anatomy and Physiology Guide (pending) →⚕️Gallifreyan Emergency Medicine Guides →📝Source list (WIP) →📜Masterpost If you're finding your happy place in this part of the internet, feel free to buy a coffee to help keep our exhausted human conscious. She works full-time in medicine and is so very tired 😴

[blindbatalex]

bruins hrpf recs from the server #5

Hello again! The theme for this week was ✨ a fic that broke your heart ✨ Below are our recs:

rec lists so far: || week 4 || week 3 || week 2 || week 1 ||

A (Little) Slice of Heaven by Anonymous || willypasta || 11,541 words || reccer's notes: this fic rewired my brain. I read it months and months and months ago and I have yet to recover. 11/10 I come back to it way more than I probably should

(and i’ve got a plane to catch) you drove me all the way back by @fvcking-damage || mcgryz || 2,862 words || reccer's notes: this is some self-indulgent mcgryz angst i wrote a couple of years ago, idk what i was writing out with this one but. yeah

and turns to dust by adjacently || Jordan Eberle/Taylor Hall || 2,130 words || reccer's notes: i can eat taylor hall angst for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

between your love and mine by @blindbatalex || willypasta || 6,360 words || reccer's notes: This is a story about trying to reconcile two sides of your identity that are at irreconcilable conflict with one another, and what having your wings clipped like that at a young age does to a person.  I certainly broke my own heart while writing it.

dancing by @rasksmoustache || marcheron || 1,111 words || reccer's notes: This fic is so vivid and visceral and sad, it permanently altered my brain chemistry.  Unrequited (but is it really?) marcheron which gets the feeling of loving someone and being just a little too late so so well

Done & Undone by @ghostgeno || marcheron || 14,428 words || reccer's notes: 2023 Game 7, the aftermath. Fair warning: I don’t reread this very often because of how effectively it puts you in Brad’s headspace immediately after the game, in brutal, excruciating detail. And yet. And yet. If you feel like being taken apart and then put back together, if you want to feel all the loss and tenderness and love that remains despite the loss, read this fic.

good at secrets by @fridgefishwrites || prefix boys; mcgryz || 4,017 words || reccer's notes: this fic meant (and means) so much to me because it just gets what trying to live your life and build something beautiful while faced with unrelenting homophobia is like.  I love the non-linear narrative and the prefix boys but it was always Matt who stole the show for me in this story

like a stranger by blindbatalex || marcheron || 13,142 words || reccer's notes: not a fic alex hasn't read before (sorry bud) but i'm Obsessed with fics where the characters talk past each other and the angst compounds and this fic is a perfect example of that, amongst other things!!!

make no apologies by @sphesphe || marcheron || 3,757 words || reccer's notes: Brad gets himself suspended before the Winter Classic and Patrice takes it harder than he thinks he should.  He plays it off as fine, things happen, just be better Marchy but it isn't true. He's angry. After the game, Brad stops by, they have a talk and lo and behold, feelings emerge! (And much more!)

Sixth Borough by bookhousegirl || Jimmy Hayes/Frank Vatrano || 3,067 words || reccer's notes: The third in a trilogy of fics featuring this pairing. This is a very quiet little vignette featuring two former Bruins who were not stars and did not end up experiencing great success in their time here. It exists entirely in the gray of adult complications and disappointments, and refuses any easy catharsis, and is beautiful for those reasons. For those of us who cared about the Bruins in the (relatively) dismal era between 2015-17 it may come across as a tiny time capsule; for everyone else, I hope the delicate way it honors the hopes and dreams of those who don’t become hometown heroes, who don’t get the happily everafter ending, stays with you.

Westward Expansion by bookhousegirl || Jimmy Hayes/Frank Vatrano || 3,625 words || reccer's notes: Jimmy stares out vacantly at the coaster climbing the track. “Just because we’re from the same place doesn’t mean we’re from the same place.” When Frank takes Jimmy to Six Flags, he expects it to be a fun day, showing Jimmy all the rides he used to love growing up. Jimmy is distracted though, melancholy because Frank has so much promise and Jimmy took so long to get to where he is.

Wolverine Feed by @sphesphe || swaymark || 10,659 words || reccer's notes: fic that makes me ill each and every time i think about it

[merakiui]

scummy floyb is so beloved,,, I think about sleazy all the time bc it was so hot to me idk why,,, floyd calling reader a good girl may or may not have rewired by brain chemistry 😵‍💫

so when you say fwb floyb I immediately jump to scummy floyb (I miss my wife 😔) but all the concepts sound so good!! Mersex with captive Floyd orz orz orz

-🦈

Sleazy has a fond place in my heart. <3 there's something so yummy about that concept. Maybe it's because that scene is intended to be part of a larger work. >:D aaaaaaaa Floyd calling you "good girl" also does something to me. 🫣 in a low, raspy voice as well... I love scummy, sleazy Floyb. ( ꈍ◡ꈍ)

I might explore that fwb concept more, but mer sex is also quite tempting...... I had a lot of fun writing it with Jade in his fwb fic, so I need to write it with Floyd at some point. Omg and then there's the blessing that is summer Floyb!!!!! OTL

I love the idea of Floyd not realizing he's in love when he's so deep in the fwb. He's doing all of these things that make him feel like less of a fuck buddy and more of a boyfriend, but both of you refuse to recognize and acknowledge that. You keep telling everyone you're not a couple; you're not even all that close (yes, you are). Floyd's just pussy-drunk, not in love. Definitely not!!!